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As a newcomer to yoga, it's really a huge task to try and be successful in achieving all the physical things you are supposed to be maintaining, (the correct breath - for Ashtanga Ujjayi, the correct posture - Asana, the correct gaze - Drishti, and the correct contraction of the interior muscles - Bandhas), at the same time as you are supposed to be clearing your mind. Honestly, it seems like a complete contradiction to be trying to do 4 things that are difficult while trying not to think! Never mind, in the beginning you are often looking around the room at your mat neighbors or at the instructor just trying to figure out how to make your limbs do what theirs are doing.Some days, I feel very strong and energetic, but my mind is scattered and darts from thought to thought. Other days my limbs feel loose and pliable and my flexibility is incredible, though my balance may be completely off. Then, there are days when I'm physically tired, but mentally and emotionally balanced, and I am able to go through an entire practice with nothing but a peaceful quiet in my mind. All of these elements are essential, and all of them are equal... And I realize how special each practice is on it's own, with all elements growing and developing.
Three days ago, something new and wonderful happened. I had a practice where it seemed that all my strengths and every skill I had was at it's peak, and they all collided together, giving me the best 75 minute yoga practice I have ever experienced... At the end, as I lay in savasana, I experienced something I can liken to a "runner's high" at the ends of my practice. It was an incredible rush of endorphins, coupled with an intense sense of pride and gratitude to my body and myself. I felt completely connected, and gracious to my present. It was like I got a little peek behind the curtain at what I am ultimately trying to achieve with my practice - what the "other yogis" have been talking about!
Now, I have practiced since that day and not had the same result, but I understand that not all days will be like that, and that is okay. Each practice is essential, each failure, each success is only measurable by previous experience. I now look forward to them all, growing with each endeavor to reach my full potential. The more I do, the more I see I will have to do, and I am learning to love the journey instead of simply waiting to arrive at my destination.
I love that yoga is so much like life, each piece intersecting with the next piece of the puzzle... Discovering all the nuances, and trying to always see them all with fresh eyes is seeming more and more like the optimal way to enjoy both.
Namaste
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