Charmed Chatter

Yup, it's Saturday night, and right now I've come to a roadblock on the way to sleep. Like many people, sometimes when I'm trying to drift away, I find that my mind refuses to still. Okay it's more than sometimes, it's often. Pretty much every night often. Then funny thing is, if I'm watching a movie at seven or eight in the evening I usually struggle to stay awake at all! I find it so hilarious that sometimes the things you try hardest to do only come to fruition the moment you stop trying. I think that love and sleep are the same like that. So, when faced with failure in either of those two things sometimes you have to just take a break from trying. Do something else. Distract yourself enough and what you yearn for will come knocking (or snoring)! And so here I am to distract me!

It's been an ongoing battle in my life trying to find focus and direction, and more than that, to find a true balance between all my interests and all my pass-times. The problem is, I've found, very similar to having too many clothes in your closet... You can't wear them all, you don't even like them all, but somehow it is so hard to go in and just get rid of them. Then worse than that, the crowding makes your best and favorite items get lost in the mix. I liken this is to all my "little bad habits".

Over time I have accumulated a million little time wasting activities that all band together to muddle my mind and suck my productivity from me. I'm not talking about the good activities like yoga and gardening, painting or playing my piano. I'm talking about the sneaky ones that come in quietly, uninvited, and steal an hour here, an hour there with little (or nothing) to show for it. Things like watching TMZ. Countless unnecessary beauty and grooming rituals. Going in to clean a room and then getting distracted by knickknacks and old cards. Getting on the phone to jibber-jabber for an hour about nothing. You get the idea... Then at the end of the day, when it's time to reflect, there is so much more I could have accomplished. It makes me anxious, which makes it impossible to sleep.

So I'm turning over a new leaf. I have promised myself that I'm going to spend more time organizing my priorities... Going to "clean out the closet" and let go of the things in my life that are unhealthy, unproductive, and that I know I've secretly become dependant on as my excuses to not have the time to excel in my passions. The problem is, it's so hard to be good all the time! That said, I realize that I don't have to be good "all the time". Just the majority of the time, and much more often than now... Because hey, even the "good" needs some balance, right?! Right.

Okay, now I'm sleepy! Off I go to tomorrow, where all I have to do is a little better than the day before, and day by day I'll reach my goals... G'nite to all the restless minds out there...